SPIRITUAL JOURNEY

 

Wow!

 

Where do I start, My Spiritual Journey did not began for myself until I turned sixteen. I came to Grand Rapids twelve years ago for the sake of my mom's direction and guidance.  Her plan was to have me go to Bishop Abney church; he is a friend of the family.  Adding to the Spiritual Journey, I was adopted at the age of seven to an African American family who went to church. My mom was the one that kept me in church.  I went to church because I had no chose as a little girl. I went to church because my mom made me. I did not understand certain religious things that Apostolic pastors did like scream and holler and shout and stomp their feet. It was all confusing to me.  Every time we would go I would get tired and sleepy. 

            During my time as a youth I had the opportunity to go to a Christian Elementary School called Bethany Lutheran.  I learned God's word at the school and began to understand God for myself.  My mom saw that I liked the school and she let me go to the Lutheran church where it was much smooth and quiet and sensitive to God's spirit, I did enjoy it better. God blessed me where I did not have to pay for tuition, he blessed me with the Principle first, second and third grade teachers to all are my God parents.  They all were my mentors throughout elementary school. Two years after I was adopted my adopted father walked out on my adopted mom due to problems that they were having between them.  It was from that point that things went downhill I became rebellious at home and at school sports was more important to me instead of my education. I and my mother did not get along very well.  

             In October of the year 2000 my life took a turn. My brother whom my mother adopted died due to sickness.  It hurt me real bad because she had wished that it was somebody else in the family that had died and I assumed that it was me. Her son, my brother was her baby, almost her everything he was what she lived for. My mom’s pastor came to the house and I just broke down.  I didn't want this for my mom.  I didn't want this life for me. I told my mom's pastor that I wanted to do better for my mom and be a better daughter.  A month later after my brother died.  My mom had me already enrolled into job corps, and at the age of sixteen I was headed to the Grand Rapids Job Corp Center. For a few months I was home sick, but God knew what was best for me and me. I and a young lady crossed paths and she introduced me to Earnest Prayer International Ministries. While I was at Job Corps from 2000-2003, I had the mentoring of my church holding me accountable, teaching me the word of God, and showing me around the city of Grand Rapids. After a few months of being at Job Corps I got a chance to let my mom know how I was doing and she literally called my pastor and asked him what did you do to my daughter she sounds different and she is talking about the word of God.  She told my pastor thank you for helping my daughter to stay focus and in church. During those three years I got my high school diploma, GED, Business Clerical Skill and CNA skills and enrolled at GRCC for major studies and also was rewarded money for completion of the Job Corps program.  I say all of this to say that these experiences shaped my spiritual journey and helped me to a better young lady.

 

This is my Spiritual Journey

 

PRAYER

 
Powerful Relentless Action

You’re Ever Revived

 
I had a conversation with my Senior Pastor about prioritizing my time better. His exact words were, (PRAY) and ask God to show you how to balance your time diligently. So I listened and prayed and asked God to help me with balance. One of my church mothers said Tori you must remember First God, School, Work and B Ball. I said Lord Help me, I need your guidance and direction and I need you to help me with balance.

            Since that time that I talked to my pastor I talked to God too; I have done better, but can use some improvement in getting up early to spend time with God. My plan was to get up early every day at five am to pray. I apologize, I set my clock at the time that I am supposed to get up but hit the clock and go back to sleep. My prayer has constantly been this whole week Lord please forgive me, Lord thank you for forgiving me. I forgive myself for being lazy. I sound like a broken record over and over again. Lord help me to put you first Matt 6:33 comes to mind when I say this pray. Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all of things other things will be added unto you. I know that if I put God first in my time with him everything else will be balanced in my life. I always have this scenario stuck in my mind, if God said Tori, I want you to get up and pray every day at five am until I give you a new assignment and if you do I will give you a thousand dollars. I would be on it, because I would see the benefit in the natural which is temporal but what I cannot see which is the spiritual is eternally. I think other people can attest to this same scenario.

            I learned something that the currency of heaven is prayer. It is our communication to God. Just like the saying money talks and can do a lot for you to live and have a great status on the earth. Prayer is talking to God to receive his guidance, direction, benefits and next season of assignments. My goal is not to give up but to do what God says do and understand that there is a benefit in serving God.  Prayer is my currency into the gates of heaven combined with Faith. Powerful Relentless Action equals being Forever Revived. 

 

MEDITATION

More Ever Dedicated In To Answering

The Inner Omnipotent Nearness

 

AHHH YES, Meditation, Hearing myself say the word meditation, it brings calmness, to my heart.  When I think of meditation, I think of God’s word.  (Psalms 1:2) which says, But His delight and desire are in the law of the Lord, and on his law (the precepts, the instructions, and the teachings of God.) He habitually meditates (ponders and studies) by day and by night.

A week ago I had the opportunity to get up early and meditate in prayer, for me meditation in prayer is meditation on God’s word.  It was an awesome experience and a sacrifice in being obedient to his call on that week.  I had to literally drag myself out of bed.  When God said seek him early that he may be found he meant it, He knows for a lot of people that getting up early is something that people hate and dread to do.  That is not me, however when I am tired and God is saying get up early and spend time with me.  I say oh Lord gives me strength I know that you will never put more on me then I can bare.  Lord I ask that you give me super natural strength.

I think that God test us just to see where are priorities are.  He tests us just to see if we see him as important in our lives.  If he can trust us to do small things such as get up early when he knows are schedule, he can then trust us to do more for his Kingdom.  Have I always done this? No, but I am learning the importance of meditation.  In mediation I have learned the peace the calmness the sincerity and most importantly the faith that has increased in me with hearing his voice to follow only.

Going back to last week, that time that I spent with God was laying down all of my worries and fears and getting rid of the things that I know that has held me back from serving God more.  I had to take the time to meditate on his goodness in my life where he has brought me from and where he wanted to take me, to my next assignment in this journey with God.  The question is sooo! How will I continue meditation? I believe for me that it is the constant communion in my heart to the Lord that constant conversation about direction lined up to his will day and night.

One thing that is helping me to meditate more is the women of my church are holding each other accountable to pray for one another to mediate on God’s word for somebody else.

The more I mediate on God’s word the more I get his word inside of me the more I become like him. And then I have God’s peace and assurance.  I say this, keeping God at a distance is not an option if you want to draw closer to him. 

 

 

CONFESSION

COME OVER NEAR FROM EVERY SIN

SONSHIP IN OMNIPOTENT NEWNESS

Come over near to God and away from sin. Began to be leaders of unlimited authority in God, for you have been made unique and brought into being.

Here ye Here ye every one,

I have a confession to make. At a point in my life i was terrified of confessing my sins and the wrong that I committed internally. I learned that over the years of hiding sin and wrong that it only kept me bound and I had feelings of guilt, and shame that kept me in fear. Every time i had done something wrong I would come into church thinking that those who heard from God could see the sin inside of me. Some days I would not even go to church, because I thought that the pastors and leaders could see the sin inside of me. I would tell myself I am going to do better and I needed to get right before I come into the house of the Lord. I saw myself slowing dwindling away. Have you ever heard the saying tired of being tired, well that was me? One day I got tired of being tormented by FEAR False Evidence Appearing Real and I had to let FAITH take hold of me and build me up in Full Alignment In The Holy Spirit. I began to ask the Lord to prepare my heart and mind for the journey that he was going to take me on. I ask God to give me the grace and mercy to begin to walk in boldness and courage, in faith and not fear. I kept quoting 2 Timothy1:7 in the amplified version it says. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice of craven and cringing and fawning fear) He has given us a spirit of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control. After I read this scripture in that version, said wowwwwww! Lord I do not want to be a coward and have craven and cringing and fawning fear, Lord I want a calm and well-balanced, and disciplined and self-controlled mind. Lord I need help.

This past week I sought out a pastor in my church for accountability and told them the struggle that I was having I wanted them to pray and hold me accountable, i had told them what God wanted me to do in the process of them holding me accountable. This week has been a good week of confession for me. God has given me the boldness to step out of my comfort zone and talk even to my senior pastor. I have gotten a lot of encouragement and support to press further into God and Obedience. I have come to the realization that when you tell on the devil he releases his hold on you there is a release in the spirit realm that Satan cannot hide anymore in your life. Why? Because you have told on him and sin can no longer hide in the dark and keep you bond which breaks its hold on your life. Sin can only bind you unless you choose to walk in it and not surrender to the Lord/ God.

1 John1:9 helped me understand that God knows already what we have done he is just waiting for us to open our mouths and be honest so that he can cleanse us from all unrighteousness and restore us and forgive us. I want confession to the Lord not to become a ritual but a lifestyle of obedience and humility. My discipline will be in choosing to live in faith and continue to have a trust worthy friend or someone in ministry to hold me accountable to stay focus in the Lord. I have already started the process and we are calling each other each week to hold each other accountable.  2 Chronicles 7:14 says it best. If my people, who are called by my name shall humble themselves, pray, seek, (crave and require of necessity) my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven, forgive their sin, and heal their land.